Bismillah . .
Assalamualaikum . .
It has been two days since I stop blogging . . Just need a break for a while . . My mood wasn't that stable , so , I should not blogging for these two days . . You know how broken heart feels ? Yes ! I'm in that phase last two days for it was my 1st month since he left me . . I tried to fight against myself . . I tried not to remember anything about him , I tried to forget everything . . Ya , E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G . . But , forgetting isn't easy just easy to say . . I know . . I failed again this time . .
I should forget about him . . I should . . She's far away better than me . . I'm just myself , just an ordinary girl , who love this one man like a crazy . . I admit ! I just feel safe and comfortable with him , I admit , I have a lot of friends , seems like I'm a friendly girl , but it isn't like that . . I'm just a little girl who expressed her feelings to the only person she trust . . I'm just a secretive girl . . I'd rather to hurt myself than seeing other's getting hurt . . Yes ! I sacrificed a lot for people . . I know . . I always give a positive thinking on people even when people keep negative about them . . I tried to find positive vibes in one's life . .
These two days , I'm having so much trouble in sleeping . . This morning , he came again into my dreams . . Looks like he tries to explain something . . I don't know what's the meaning of that dream . . Maybe it's just from syaitannn . . I made up my minds , I want to move on entirely . . I need to . . It's hurt , but , I just need to . . I saw one igstory this morning .. It sounds like this ;
"Kalau dulu masa kau sakitkan perasaan aku , aku pernah berdoa agar Allah rasakan perkara yang sama pada kau , malah lagi teruk dari itu supaya kau dapat pengajaran daripadanya"
I don't really know what should I do . . I'd think , I just should make a move and disappear slowly but progressively in their life . . I don't want to pray for the same things to happen to them - especially him , I know how hurt and weak us when facing this difficult time . . I just hope , one day , he will get Allah's guidance not to play around with girls' feeling specifically when she just a girl who is sooo hard to fall in love - like me . . Once I'm broken , it's hard for me to get another one . . Experience lead me to be more cautious in finding soulmate . .
As he unfollowed and removed me from his ig followers , he totally changed ! Maybe , he found his true love and they will make it till the end , and maybe they wouldn't . . Maybe he is for me , but for the time being , we need to repair ourselves first . . Maybe . . I don't know . . Today , I'm not going to put higher hopes that we will get back together . . Because , it wasn't the right time yet . . I just need to focus on my studies , get my career , and being a successful girl in both dunya and akhirat . . I miss him . . Yes ! No doubt on it . . But , he doesn't feel the same . . I'll wait for him , I'll pray for us , I'll comfort myself . . I'll try my best not to be a parasite in one's relationship . . And , the most important thing - today , I will delete everything about him , his phone number , everything that can make us keep in touch . . But not the memories . . Let the memories sealed tightly . . Perhaps , one day , the memories can be used back . .
Dear A , I wish , everything was fine for you . . I wish you get what you want . . I wish you were happy . . I will disappear in your life . . I will . . It's hard for me , but I believe , I can . . Thank you for the memories , thank you for taking care of me , thank you for always making time for me . . I hope one day , you wouldn't regret for what you've done to me . . I hope one day , you wouldn't feel the same or even worse like I feel now . . I hope , you can always smile , because your smiles make me fall for you . . I hope , we are meant together in the future and the future will be ours . . May Allah ease your journey . . May we meet again one day . . I try to accept this quotes ;
"Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them , sometimes , loving someone just means letting them go"
"Just because you have past with someone , doesn't mean you should have future with them" (But , I want you to be in my future . Whatever it is , Allah knows the best)
"At some point , you need to realize, someone can stay in your heart , but not in your life"
"If you love somebody , let them go for if they return they were always yours . If they don't , they never were"
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Due date : 15.03.2017
Due date : 02.04.2017