Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Trying to Force Life to Continue

S.K. | 21:32 | 4Comments |
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Bismillah . . 


Assalamualaikum . . 


Time flies . .  It's almost one month without him . . No texts , no calls , no dating - empty . . Just watching my phone , hoping there's a miracle . . Everyday , hoping , there's an incoming text from him , hoping his name appears on my screen . . Ya , I keep waiting . . I keep hoping , does he cares ? Maybe yes and maybe no . . I'm slowly become a sad person , you may see my smiling face , but from the bottom of my heart , I'm a sad person , I cried . . I miss him . . I miss us . . I'm so used to tell people I'm okay when I'm not . . I tried hard to become a happy person , like , nothing happen . . But , I couldn't . . For this 4 years , I think , this is the hardest time for me . . The most hurtful one . . The most I lied to myself . . I pretend not to care , but I care . . I pretend not to miss , but I miss . . I pretend that I didn't know him , but , yes ! Definitely , I know him . . 


I tried to think rationally . . Think positively . . I lowered down my ego , I let him go - again . . I regret but pretending not to . . I put his stuffs far away from catching my views , but , I can't . . I'm suck ! I cried . . Again . . I covered my tears with laughter . . My heart keeps bleeding . . I can't lie to myself anymore . . I want to meet him . . I challenged myself - ignore my feelings . . But , still , I can't control my minds from not dreaming of him . . People said , it is such a waste to keep waiting for those who didn't appreciate you anymore , but we're just humans . . Maybe , it's worth to wait for him . . Maybe it such a waste . . I don't know either . . I just hope , we could meet again , I just hope that he will come back . . I just hope that 'us' will be forever . . I just hope , I can see him again . . 


Live the life . . Live to the fullest . . I wish I can . . I wish , everything can disappear in a blink of eyes . . I wish . . Time passes - slowly . . Sometimes , I keep questioning myself , why he did this to me , sometimes , I feel like I got the answers . . Sometimes , more questions to be questioned than answered . . I'm confused . . I just hope , we can get along back . . I just hope a positive outcomes later on . . A month without you , am having hard times . . I used to rebel with myself . . I used to fight with my feelings , I used to hate what you did , but , I'm hurt , more and more . . Maybe , you just away from me for a short period , maybe I'm not ready . . That's why He took you away from me . . You may come back or not - that's the puzzle we need to solve . . 


I asked Him to give me strength . . I asked Him to make our life better . . I asked Him to take care of you for me . . I asked Him everything . . I cried . . I'm weak . . I'm jealous towards her . . How I wish it was me on that spot . . Maybe , He wants me to improve myself first . . Then , He will send back you to me . . Maybe . . I do hope , we're meant together . . I do hope , time will heal me - faster . . I do hope , this is just a teasing from you . . I do hope , this isn't for a real , it's kinda like a dreaming . . I do hope , everything's goin' to be okay . . I do hope , we can make till the end . . Lastly , I really hope , you miss me just like I did , and I do hope , our love will not be faded away - cause , everyday , my love towards you never gone away . . The more I think about us , you and me , the deeper my love towards you . . I wish , He grant my wishes . . I wish , both of us happy together . . I wish I can bear with this test . . I hope we do ever meet again . . Goodbye for now my love . . 


P/s : 
I keep wondering what's up with you . . What are you doing , have you eaten yet , did you met with any accidents again ? I keep wondering about you . . I hope , you're fine . . I hope everything's good . . I hope I can also get a happy news for us . . I hope , my times waiting for you is worth . . Come back with stronger love and happier us 

4 comments:

  1. Girl u need "redha" all the thing happen between u n him.. More u hoping,thats really hurt yourself.. Be patient ya~ keep strong..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In sha Allah . . Yups , I'm redha , but human will always be human , kinda missing the times and person too . .

      Delete
  2. Dear, wish you have the strength to live your life back as normal.
    Cheers ya.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you . . In sha Allah =)

      Delete

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